Day 47: Lucky but Sad

What an emotional whirlwind I have experienced this week! It started with emotional stress and now it is ending with emotional stress. On Wednesday, about half of the team I work with was fired, leaving just small group of us behind at a company without any bosses or information of what is going on or how to proceed. I'm in completely and utter shock! I was quite numb the initial day but today, my emotions really hit in our last group conference video call. Seeing people cry and their voices shake just triggered all of my tears. This is the fifth major layoff I have experienced in the past 4 years, yet this was the worst one. The people I have sought guidance from, learned from, supported me, hired me-- they are all gone. It really was a family... And now, I don't know what it is. I feel so blessed to have escaped losing this job 5 times. And I'm incredibly shocked. I was expecting to get the news that I was fired... and I waited... and instead of a letter from HR, I got an invite to meeting with over 60 people, most of whom I don't know, that will now be my new team. A new, general creative team. So today is my last day with the old and Monday will have feels of a brand new job and team.

I have been working on accepting that I have the talents, the ability-- all the right things I need to advance my career.  To call myself skilled, professional, GREAT. If I was trash, I would never had made it past my one-month contract four years ago. I feel so blessed to still have a job to support me through this pandemic. Is this not luck?? I wish I wasn't so sad. I guess I have to be opportunistic about this path. This is my chance to expand my skillset and my role. It's a fresh start. Truly a blessing...

I wish I could hug my old work family and drunkenly talk shit about the future of the company with them. Just like the last two times we were torn apart...